So, I was planning on doing a blog post tonight on my first week in NYC,which I will still do, probably tomorrow or sometime this weekend. But tonight, I want to write about a topic that I have only just realized may be at the core of my emotional issues. Something I’ve realized that has been bothering me for a long time.
The biggest lie, and the truth that hurts the most to hear.
You see, sweet babies all around the world, it’s not true when we say that you can be yourself. That you can be anything you want to be. Certainly, it’s fine to be yourself – if you’re beautiful, and outgoing, and fun. If you’re six foot and blond and handsome. If you’re thin, and smart, and loved by all. If you always get the dates, the smiles, the friends. Then, by goodness babies, by yourself. But don’t be me.
You see, babies, it’s not good to be small. To be quiet. To be shy. Introversion is not loved or appreciated. Being “awkward” is more than just a funny post on Instagram. Especially if you’re a girl (can’t speak for the boys). Being an awkward girl is hard. It’s strange. You’ll spend a lot of time crying in bathrooms and hiding it from others. You’ll spend a lot of time hanging out with people you want to be. You’ll spend a lot of time alone.
You see, babies, at the core of it all – the world will only love you if you have something to give back. If you have a voice that can be heard. And babies, not everybody has that. Not everybody stands in the sun. There are people who rise, and people who carry. Their are people who will always stand in the shadows. There are people who will always, always, be on the outskirts.
So, this is the truth. This is reality. My future child, if someday you ever come to be, I do not wish to give you wealth, or money, or even love. Oh yes, all of those things are important. No doubt. But, my sweet, nonexistent child, none of those things are as great as the one thing that will make you rise. That will pull you from the shadows to the light.
Dear baby, please be extroverted. Be brave, be loud.